my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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