Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
