Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
