dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
