you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dick very happy bro
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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