After last night, I could never be a politician.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Houston, we have a squirter
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
