Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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