Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she told me i tasted like america
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
