Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
