I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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