please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
