Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
