Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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