you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
