Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
