when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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