This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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