I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
