tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
