I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have already put on my inside pants.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
