Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
