he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
