Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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