I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
