im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
