Acid is not a monday night drug
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
