the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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