You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
