the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
