He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
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Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
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I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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