So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
