Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
