sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I touched a dick in church today
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
