Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
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I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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