Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
So. Much. Porn.
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