I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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