Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
