so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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