I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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