I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
