Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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