Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
