I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
