We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
