That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
