As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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