Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
