I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
