What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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