party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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