i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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