im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
