I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
