She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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