This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
