Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
