Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
