I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
