Where is the hickey?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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