What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
