if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
