he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
