WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
