im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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