i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
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You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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