I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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