Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
