haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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