OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
